:(

See, this is why I HATE talking to him. THIS is the reason I never text or call first. He always manages to slip in that "if distance wasn't a factor..."

I know, motherfucker. I know. We've been over this umpteen times, but nothing is going to change. If it hasn't up until this point, what makes you think it ever will?

I can't concentrate anymore. I wanna cry. I want to cry but I can't because I have to study. And how fitting that "Emotion" by Destiny's Child just came on. I'm so stupid. Stupid stupid.

It's not even that I miss him. I don't miss him. I want what we had with someone else. I feel like I always try so hard, too hard with the people I talk to now and then we hit a plateau and I give up.

I want it back. The feeling of caring about someone so deeply, you would do anything for them. And you know they feel the exact same way, no question. You know (or think you know) you want to spend the rest of you life with them, confident that they'll love you unconditionally. I honestly can't describe it any other way, but we had it. I just don't trust him anymore. Not with my heart anyway.

This was all over the place. I'm hungry. I had a bad day overall. I just want to be held. I hatehatehate how the things people say to me can have such a big effect on my mood.