The last time I felt like this was with Dar.
It was different though because he never hesitated to tell me how he felt. No matter how difficult he was, I knew the feelings I had for him were reciprocated simply because I could hear it in his voice.
But with Lekim, it's like...I have the same feelings for him, but I'm completely clueless as to how he feels about me. I hesitate to ask because I don't think I would get a straight answer. Plus, it's like everythingggg I do or say is wrong. E v e r y t h i n g. I think I do something right and he just comes up with a reason why I'm an idiot.
Case in point: I didn't see him before I left because he said he didn't want to see me. And I left Friday afternoon because I was done with everything for school by Wednesday. But, por supuesto, according to him, I left "in the middle of the day that I knew he was off." First of all, it's not like I did it on purpose. Secondly, I was there SO many weekends before that and how many times did I ask to see him? Too many to count, and unlike David Ruffin, I AM too proud to beg. Third, I definitely just figured we wouldn't be doing anything because we haven't done anything since November.
But yep. It was allllll me. It's always me. I hope it's worth it, but everytime I think about it, it just pisses me off even more. I can take alot, but I DO have a breaking point.
*originally written on BB.
